Dear John… The Words I never Said
Death doesn’t look good on you. It doesn’t suit you. You are far too young. You are far too loved. I watched your mother weep over you, and your sisters cry for hours. I have seen your scared sons, who don’t understand the gravity of what is occurring. I have held your wife. They aren’t ready to say good bye, and neither am I.
I have loved being your daughter. You took me in, as your own. You never judged the single mom with two kids whom your son wanted to marry. You took off work, took your kids out of school, and flew to the tropical island that we wanted to get married on without complaint. You picked me up on my wedding day, white dress and all, and drove me and my daughter to the wedding. I remember you joking about driving me anywhere I wanted to go, in case I had changed my mind. You bought us cake, and put together an entire DJ set that you bought just for our reception.
I have loved watching you with my kids; getting to see you become a Pop. You took my kids in as your grandchildren and you loved them like they were your own. You let them crawl all over you, even when the cancer and surgeries made you ache. I loved watching you hold our son, who looks just like you. I remember the day Meme was babysitting, and you left work to come console my crying baby because no one else could calm him down. I can still hear you saying, “Hi ole sweety baby!” every time I brought him in the room.
It is strange to think that you will never again call me randomly, just to ask how your babies are doing. You will never be at my doorstep to see the kids. I will never again hear you playing your guitar in the basement. It is crazy to think that you won’t be at the kids birthday parties or get to see the grandbaby who looks so much like you take his first steps. You will never get to take your granddaughter to see the princesses at Disney or get to have the adventures you promised your grandsons. You won’t get to see your youngest sons graduate high school or get married, and it makes my heart ache with grief.
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Tiffany
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