How I became The Outmatched Mama
I used to think that I was the only one who could not handle everything that needed to be done. I was a full time student in a doctorate program (which I was close to dropping out of), had a beautiful baby boy (who wasn’t a part of my plan and made me so exhausted I couldn’t see straight), and a piece of paper that said I was married (but I hadn’t seen his father for days).
Every time I would buy groceries, I would pray that my maxed out credit card would go through one more time. Even my dog was dying! To say my life was spinning out of control, was a serious understatement. I am fairly certain that every Mama out there feels completely overwhelmed from time to time, but I had met my match. It was about to do me in.
As the bad grades, sleepless nights, and broken promises piled up I was struggling to stay afloat. The Enemy hurled assaults from every direction. Failure. Worthless. Disgusting. Unworthy. Alone. The waves kept me from coming up for air.
In the utter pit of the broken rubble of what I had attempted to build in my own strength, He found me. He crashed through the darkness, and held me. My savior, Jesus Christ, whispered kindly to me (Captivating). He told me who I was (Child), gave me a purpose (Cherished), and assured me His banner over me was love (Priceless). This Jesus was unlike anything I had ever met before.
Sure I had sat in the pews with my family for years. I knew all the words to the hymns. I had been baptized and I thought I was “saved.” I could recite Bible stories from memory and could even sing the books of the Bible in order, but I had failed to hide its words in my heart. I had never met the man with blood stains and grace eyes who heals me.
There in the light of His glory I could see the putrid, wretchedness that I had created. The scales fell off my eyes, and I could see myself and what I had done clearly. I cried out, begged forgiveness, and He took the death I deserved upon himself. He turned my dirty rags to riches, and I have never been the same.
I still attempt to do things in my own strength, and I still need rescuing. Through it all, I have found that God’s way, is always the best way.
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Tiffany
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